The Giant Pachinko Machine of Doom | Cool stuff and the musings of a mad genius.

Classic Fuckery

I was going through some old chat logs from November 2008 when I found this little gem…

<@Bakamoichigei> Real men play 2d fighters on the NEO-GEO! ;o
<ogopogo> i OWN a fucking neo-geo
<ogopogo> let’s see you do as much :3
<@Bakamoichigei> I own TWELVE.
<@Bakamoichigei> You just got served.
<ogopogo> riiight?
<@Bakamoichigei> http://media.giantpachinkomachineofdoom.com/blog/2008-10/images/boardmv1b.jpg
<@Bakamoichigei> http://media.giantpachinkomachineofdoom.com/blog/2008-10/images/boardmv1c.jpg
<@Bakamoichigei> http://media.giantpachinkomachineofdoom.com/blog/2008-10/images/boardmv2fa.jpg
<@Bakamoichigei> http://media.giantpachinkomachineofdoom.com/blog/2008-10/images/boardlot1.jpg

It’s not like I need HELP with my fuckery, but when someone gives me such a perfect setup, my typical automatic schadenfreude is elevated to what I can only describe as sheer predatory glee.  CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!


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New Vectors! – METAL SLUG

Decided it was finally time to put my Metal Slug games in Shockboxes, so I was going to need the logos!

What can I say?  I’m very good at this.


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Baka and IRC; Equal Measures Villainy and Comedy

I have been known to make sport of people on IRC, it’s one of my pastimes.  But usually someone has to catch my attention to be targeted. Let’s talk about one of my pet peeves: Away messages and notifications.  Seriously.  It makes sense if you’re a channel regular, or staff, or really anyone people give two shits about, but if you’re just a randumb (My term for those sub-voice users who just stumble into the channel.) there’s no fucking reason for it.  This is where our story begins.

<exReality|afk> ffffffffff
<exReality|afk> i cant change my nick without leaving the chan
* Parts: exReality|afk (~exReality@test.a.ban)
* Joins: exReality (~exReality@test.a.ban)
<exReality> woops left the wrong channel
<unmei> a) register b) it’s probably a +M channel blocking you …
<exReality> yeah i have to link the nick
<exReality> or group…
<kyouma87> how’s that for you?
<+Bakamoichigei> Why the fuck do you think anyone cares if you’re AFK?
<unmei> yeah, the command is group
<+Bakamoichigei> I’m the most conceited son of a bitch here, and I -know- no one cares if -I’m- away.
<exReality> i play this game called erep
<exReality> people keep pming me

Hmmm, erep?  Could it be?  I should note that in this channel erepublik is a banword because people keep coming in and spamming URLs.  I don’t actually know what the site is, but after his next response, I figure it’s some stupidfuck game like mafia wars and that other shit.  Which only made me want the inevitable outcome even more…

<+Bakamoichigei> erep?
<exReality> ya
<+Bakamoichigei> What’s that?
<exReality> its on the same server
<exReality> some political web browser game
<+Bakamoichigei> Got a link or something?
<exReality> www.erepublik.com
* Athena sets mode: +b *!*@test.a.ban
* exReality was kicked by Athena (Watch your language!)
<&jdp> BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
<+Bakamoichigei> I am a golden god.
<&jdp> fucking ( `ー´)八(`ー´ ) HI5

I do so love being right, and evil.

I’m not always an asshole though, I do high comedy as well, if I do say so myself.

<@cardslash02> flash it sounds like you manage the same software i used to work under at a call center
<@cardslash02> what’s it called?
<&FlashGordon> clarify
<@cardslash02> the software that handles call volumes
<&Bakamoichigei> inb4 that’s what it’s called and we’re about to reenact “Who’s on first?”
<&FlashGordon> [21:25] (@cardslash02) the software that handles call volumes
<&FlashGordon> not certain
<@cardslash02> do you use it yourself?
<&FlashGordon> only team managers and supervisors are made familiar with such software
<&FlashGordon> i use clarify
<@cardslash02> oh dear
<@cardslash02> baka
<@cardslash02> it is called clarify
<&Bakamoichigei> “What software do you use?” “Clarify.” “The software that handles call volumes.” “Not Certain.” “Yeah, I know Certain, we use it for payroll. So what do you use for call volumes?” “Clarify.” “The software you use!”


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Steve Jobs – So Long, And Thanks for All The Macs.

My first computer was an Apple II, my first modern ‘Personal Computer’ was a Macintosh 512k. I was a Mac before it was hip. I was a Mac before there was a PC.  (I was a Mac before many of you were BORN.)

I went over to PCs around the time Windows 95 came out, at a time when almost no apps had cross-platform file compatibility, and boy was that a pain in the ass!  Yet I can honestly say I’ve never thought about going back.

I always felt it was Steve Wozniak and the engineers behind products like the original Macintosh that made such things possible, Steve Jobs just made them sexy enough for you to want to buy them. There’s a point at which Apple stopped being about using hardware wizardry to make game-changing products that no one else could or wanted to, and turned into a hipster version of what they always hated: IBM.

That said, I am no less saddened by this news. Because while the engineers may have been responsible for the technical magic, it never would have left the garage in Cupertino if Steve Jobs hadn’t been able to market it, to make everyone want something they didn’t know they’d always needed; a personal computer, thus changing the world.


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Evangelion Scholar – Lecture 1: Rebuild as a Sequel

Okay, I’ve made this argument many times on IRC and in random threads here and there since Rebuild of Evangelion 2.22: You can (not) advance came out, so I thought I’d lay it all out right here.

The new Evangelion ‘Rebuild’ movies are not a retelling of the series, they are a sequel.  The events of these movies occur after the original End of Evangelion movie, and I’m about to show you why that is obvious to me.

The What and Why-For of it:

Shinji rejected instrumentality and in that single instant in which he was basically in control of all living things, and effectively reality, opted to reboot the world.  So, the events of the new movies play out as if the series never happened, but nonetheless takes place after the events of the series and End of Evangelion.

Evidence For:

Seas of Blood
The seas are red.  The opening shot of rolling red surf is almost identical to a shot in the last few minutes of End of Evangelion.  An alternate explanation however is that they are picking up more details from scripture this time and the seas have been red since Second Impact. (A fact supported by EVA2.22)  Revelation 16:3 says “And the second angel poured out his vial upon the sea; and it became as the blood of a dead man; and every living thing in the sea died.”  Though given the additional evidence, I’m willing to go as far as ‘It happened in EoE, and was hand-waved in the rebooted reality as having happened during Second Impact.’

The Moon
The line of blood across the moon occurred in End of Evangelion; it was arterial spray from ‘Giant Naked Rei’.  There is no other possible explanation for this.

The Mass Production EVAs 
The outskirts of Tokyo3 show evidence of the remains of the Mass Produced EVA units, some of which descended from Low-Earth Orbit, crucified, and run through with duplicates of the Lance of Longinus.   Remember that no angels had surfaced since Second Impact, and no EVA unit had been successfully activated yet, so there’s no explanation for EVA/Angel-sized chalk outlines and depressions in the bloodied ruins surrounding Tokyo3.

Ikari Yui
There is no evidence that the soul of Ikari Yui resides in EVA Unit 01.  None of the instances of Unit 01 acting on its own to protect Shinji are present.  This fits with Shinji bidding farewell to his mother, as Unit 01 drifted out into space, and the light going out of its eyes.  There are two small holes in this theory however; the original berserker incident is left almost completely untouched, and when the Dummy Plug won’t initialize, Gendo still says his original “Why are you refusing me, Yui?” line.  But neither of those are definitive proof of anything and could very well be red herrings.

Kaworu
Damn-near all of Kaworu’s dialogue up to this point seem to indicate that he is conscious of the fact that this is not the first time these events have played out.  It’s a common trait given to him in various media that he sometimes says things relevant to different continuities, and occasionally breaks the fourth wall, so that’s pretty normal.

Arguments against:

“If Shinji could remake the world as he wanted, why is he still suffering?”
This is a good question.  There are a several theories.  It could be social commentary by Hideaki Anno about how screwed up youth are today; think “If you could make the world however you wanted, you’d choose to still be miserable!” Or, Shinji realized that if he had a ‘normal life’, he’d never meet any of these people who he cares about.   Maybe he simply wanted to ‘try again’;  he seems to be getting better.  Asuka is treating him (marginally) better.  He’s managed to get closer to Ayanami, who is acting a lot more human now.  He is close to maybe getting along with his father better.  And he certainly manned-up to save Ayanami, all on his own.  Of course, maybe Shinji’s just…Shinji…and it never occurred to him to try and be happy.

“Why would it be a sequel? And if so, why wouldn’t they just say it?  This is pretty convoluted, man.”
We’re talking about Hideaki Anno.  You know damned well he hates EVA fans and just wants our money.  Also, he’s batshit insane.  In all seriousness though, why not?  It adds depth to the lore that isn’t immediately apparent and makes it so old fans get more out of it, while new fans don’t have to go back and watch the series.


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A New Challenger Appears!

Once again, a comic has spawned from my crazy head and Swift‘s pen.

Just some quick background since this is like half a dozen inside jokes crammed together into a superdense lolularity…  EvilLinkz is obsessed with some girl on NicoNicoLive we refer to as ‘the webcam goddess’.  The geese thing comes from Liru, who attends U Waterloo, where campus geese are constantly harassing people, and so that’s become a sort of meme.  And then there’s me, being an SNK nerrrrrrd.

[08.02/04.08.38] <+Swift> Also I hope evillinkz didn’t die in a fire
[08.02/04.09.21] <@Bakamoichigei> Oh, it wasn’t a fire. :3c
[08.02/04.09.44] <+Swift> Geese?
[08.02/04.10.08] <@Bakamoichigei> Yes.
[08.02/04.12.15] <@Bakamoichigei> Geese Howard killed EvilLinkz’s father, and EvilLinkz set out on a journey to train himself and become the world’s best fighter and defeat Geese Howard! But he was a little confused about his training, and challenged a pack of Canadian geese to a fight.
[08.02/04.12.19] <@Bakamoichigei> It did not end well.
[08.02/04.12.26] <+Swift> hahaha
[08.02/04.12.45] <+Swift> I’d draw that if I wasn’t lazy

Anyway, here’s the result:


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Some Kind of Future Space World…

It feels good when technology just works.  Back in February, I bought a real goddamn RAID card, five 2TB hard drives, and a tray-less 3-to-5 SATA2 hot swap bay enclosure.

Then, last week, my RAID card made a horrible shrieking alarm sound that made me think the apartment was on fire.  Turned out it was just my RAID5 array…  One of the 2TB drives failed, hard.  I’m used to motherboard RAID losing sync with drives if they time out, and claiming the array failed, so I gave it the benefit of the doubt and attempted a rebuild.  It failed to rebuild.

So, first thing I did after I got the money together was bought another drive from Newegg.  Then I did an RMA on the original drive through Western Digital.  It was a very painless experience; Enter the serial number, enter the reason for requesting an RMA, choose between cross-ship, and normal return (Normal, since I already had a drive en route from Newegg.), and then pay $6 for a UPS return label.

New drive arrives from Newegg (this morning), and we set about what needs to be done.

  1. Unpack new HDD.
  2. Tell the RAID card to ‘unplug’ the failed drive.
  3. Unlock and open the corresponding slot on the enclosure.
  4. Remove failed drive, replace with new drive.
  5. Wait for RAID manager to recognize new drive, and then initialize it.
  6. Select damaged array, click ‘Add Drive’, select newly initialized replacement.  Rebuild begins automatically.
  7. Pack failed HDD in static bag and shipper from replacement drive, apply UPS shipping label over label on Newegg box.

Holy shit, son.  It’s like we’re livin’ in some kind of FUTURE SPACE WORLD, where shit just works like it’s supposed to!

Now I’m gonna go on to the gritty details of the hardware, with a couple pictures, after the jump.  So stay tuned if that sort of thing interests you.  (I guarantee premium hardware porn, you betcha!)

Read more ›


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Adobe Illustrator Madman



I was looking through my directory of miscellaneous Illustrator files, a lot of which are cool logos and stuff I’ve done, and it occurred to me I haven’t shown off a lot of this awesomeness.  So I decided to show off a bunch of the logos I vectored for my arcade games.

Click a thumbnail to the see the full-size image!

Samurai Spirits ZERO
(Samurai Shodown V)

Bakumatsu Roman – Gekka no Kenshi, Dai Ni Maku: ~Tsuki ni Saku Hana, Chiri Yuku Hana~
(The Last Blade 2)

The King of Fighters ’96
The King of Fighters ’97
The King of Fighters ’98

 The KOF’97 logo is my favorite out of the KOFs, with those cool-ass flames and stuff.  It’s strange though that it’s the only one without that official KOF ‘F’ in it.  But the game’s sub-logo DOES include it.

So, yeah.  I’m pretty good with Adobe Illustrator.  I mostly did these to put on spine labels for the cartridge cases on my shelves, though I could easily cook up new mini-marquees or really anything else.



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Review: Portal 2 (Singleplayer)

So, apparently MetaCritic is full of people hating on Portal 2.  What in the name of buggerfuckery?  How can anyone dislike this game?

Are they just pissed they haven’t been playing it since Friday?  Did they feel suckered into buying the Potato Sack?

CRY SOME MORE. The fact of the matter is, this game is awesome.  And I’m going to tell you why it’s awesome.

Read more ›


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Section: Tabletop RPGs

Personal History

I bought my first set of polyhedral dice in 1995 or so.  A plain set of Chessex opaque, blue with white numbers.  I still have it, sans a d20. (Which I just ordered a replacement for on Monday.) a short time prior to that, I had purchased a lone d10, and a pair of d6s so I could play in a Cyberpunk 2020 campaign I had found at The Gamer’s Realm, a gaming store in West Windsor, New Jersey.

A year or so of Cyberpunk 2020, still my favorite setting…  A sprinkling of Advanced Dungeons & Dragons 2nd Edition…  A couple years of Shadowrun…  A bit of a run-in with D&D 4th Ed which never really went anywhere…  As much as I like RPGs, I haven’t played anywhere near my fill.  Something I hope to remedy.  However, as little as I actually get to play, I still enjoy the games themselves and the social experiences they represent.  I guess you could say I enjoy them as much in theory as in practice.

The Concept

You sit down around a table with a bunch of people, some of whom are your friends, some of whom you may be meeting for the first time and will become friends, and you share a story.  The setting and plot are the responsibility of the GM/DM/Referee but it is up to you, the players, to decide how events unfold…assuming the dice do what you want.  (Protip: Don’t get your hopes up.)

Random = Fun

The dice are what make it real.  Because of the addition of random chance, players often experience the same range of failure, success, tragedy, triumph, frustration, and relief that they would if the events were actually happening.  And yet, even the worst night of roleplaying is often more enjoyable than the best night sitting at home by yourself.

Variety is the spice of…Roleplaying

It can be a very compelling medium when properly executed.  Flexible, as well:  there is a roleplaying game for pretty much any taste.  From the extremes of past and future, to present day, and everything in between.  Reality-based, alternate-reality, historical, literary…cartoon!  Steampunk, Cyberpunk, Lovecraftian, Space Opera, Anime!  Serious and dramatic, action movie, light-hearted, slapstick!  Anything is possible between the different settings that are out there, and how the GM wants to portray it.

Tabletop RPGs Versus Videogames

Roleplaying is often maligned as something childish and/or nerdy, and yet videogames are orders of magnitude more accepted.  Why is that?  What’s the difference between the two?  I’ll tell you what the difference is: RPG players can’t find videogames with the richness and depth of the average tabletop roleplaying game.  It’s like playing a game that taps directly into the imagination of you and the people around you.  Videogames take place on the SCREEN, while RPGs take place in your IMAGINATION.  Now you tell ME which one has better graphics, yeah?

MMORPGs have come the closest so far, but they’re still a long ways off, and I’m not even sure some aspects can BE replicated in any other medium.  As of yet, nothing really matches sitting around a table with a bunch of people, rolling dice, carrying on, and enjoying yourselves.

And with that, I introduce the Tabletop RPG section.


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